|Posted on March 9, 2017 at 7:15 AM|
I don't usually post entries from a state of being that is less than inspired, but I feel that God is putting me in this position to share what it is I am experiencing in the hope that it will serve others, for I do not understand His grand plan. I simply know that God knows what He's doing and my angels and guides are here to help, but ultimately I have a role to play also in the shaping of not only my personal life and world, but the larger community of Earth.
Every weekday morning I awake to the sound of NPR radio's Morning Edition. It's usually politics and it covers what is going on in Washington as well as in the states. As I awake in the morning and hear the stories of immigrants being deported, changes to our healthcare plans and more, I become anxious. I'm anxious because I know that this is a change I did not vote for and as hard as it is to adjust to a new administration when it is not the one you voted for, this particular time I'm having the toughest time allowing what is to be what it is. I mean, I used to enjoy being entertained by the crazy antics of reality television, but when our government is the stage and the daily news is like tuning into a show, it starts to feel like the whole world is teetering on the edge of mass insanity - or maybe we've already been teetering and now it's actually fallen into the abyss.
I know this is a time of change and that this shift in American politics has many facets. One of the ways I look at things is through the filter of my spiritual vision which says to me that everything is happening in Divine order just as it should. I understand that this anxiety is about radical transformation and completely shifting from one way of being to another and I know that these kinds of changes bring about all kinds of hellish emotions. It is a time when people are awakening in mass numbers to the reality of the world around us which responds to our thoughts and our intentions. With this knowledge I become even more anxious because I know my feelings and my thoughts are contributing to the experience of life not just for myself, but it ripples out to the wider community and ultimately to the world.
So why is it this knowledge causes me anxiety? In today's Daily Word, a lovely publication by the Unity School of Christianity, the word is "Keys to the Kingdom" and it talks about how we each hold the keys to our own prosperity, peace and well-being. The scripture passage at the bottom of the message is this one from Matthew 16:19:
I will give you the keys of the kingdom of heaven, and whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven.
If God has given us this authority to rule over our own lives and bind, or commit to, and loose or release things on earth, it allows us to commit to or release things in "heaven" which is in our minds and hearts, So I thought about this as it relates to my own life.
The anxiety I'm feeling each morning has become the background on which I am binding things on earth and it is causing my heart and mind to become bound to it. I'm feeling myself slipping into a state of anxiousness that is totally unfamiliar to me, truly unlike any I can remember feeling before. I need to begin my day in a different way, perhaps listening to music or simply waking up to the sound of the alarm clock, but definitely not to the news of the day.
I want to use the keys to the kingdom to open up a new way of being here on earth and it sounds like once I commit or bind myself to that vision, or that goal, then in "heaven" or in my heart and mind I will become one with the vision and it will bring joy, peace and fulfillment rather than anxiety and hopelessness. But it's not just vision, it is action. What am I doing to open up a new way of being here on earth? What does that mean?
I guess it is time to get specific, to be honest with myself and to remember who I am - who we are. I'm praying, too, asking God to have mercy on me so that I can "loose" those things on earth that have bound me to this anxious state of being. I want to be free from it now and I need help understanding exactly how to do that. One of those things is my cleaning business.
It's been a recurring theme or pattern in my life to doubt. I doubt everything - even the things I know are true and real - but mostly I have a terrible habit of doubting that I know what I'm doing. I mean, I go about my day doing what I set out to do, but I question why. Why did I choose this or that? Why am I working so hard? Why is it when I get a sense of freedom I commence to build up a small cell for myself to occupy, to become miserable and jaded? Am I so different or am I just the same as everyone who has come before me hoping for a life of love, peace and freedom? And what is it that is so terrible in my life?
My husband is the optimist always and will point out all of the blessings in my life and yet, I circle back to the low level anxiety around dealing with things I don't want to do, like manage a small business. You'd think it would be a wonderful thing but to me, it has become a source of tension, anxiety and stress to levels I haven't felt since I worked in Corporate America. I fondly remember those days now, remembering how freeing it was to be able to quit a job that has become overwhelming and find a new one.
At age 52 and 7 years into a budding business, it seems impossble to change. And that is where this blog is leading, to the Keys to the Kingdom. We don't have to ask God's permission to do what we want to do here. He has given us this authority. The only one holding us back from what we truly want is ourselves and to obtain it we have to take actions that demonstrate what it is we want to bind or loose and then, and only then, will it happen in Heaven or in the higher realms where the support can rain down to supply whatever intention we loose or bind here on earth.
God, help me understand and help me have the courage to admit what I truly want and to take actions based on faith and trust in You, not in what "makes sense" from an earthly or human perspective. Please keep me from cowering behind fear, living an anxious life and allow me to emerge with true faith in You, understanding that you made me the way I am and You want me to be happy. Amen.