|Posted on March 24, 2013 at 10:55 AM|
Marriage is not for the faint of heart. It requires much of those who are brave enough to venture into this union of hearts. After celebrating 25 years of marriage, my perspective on falling in love, getting married, having a family and establishing a life together as a married couple has crystalized into the understanding that both partners have to really want to keep it going and the marriage will be asking you for "donations" from time to time. A little here, a little there. The key is to maintain who you are throughout all of this give and take.
The angels say that marriage is a lifelong link between two hearts, which fills both with a sense of completeness that helps to keep each partner grounded and yet able to soar. Well, soaring to your heights can seem impossible if your partner doesn't share your same view of what that future should look like, and this is where marriage can fall flat. Angelic wisdom tells me that it is okay to see yourself as an individual and to seek your own equilibrium when following your own star. And there is room for everyone's happiness when you can consider that your partner also has dreams and that dream may be just to see that you are happy. Along the way, there must be conversations about dreams and visions of futures along with a generous helping of compassion to keep the magic of the relationship alive and well.
Beyond commitment, beyond fidelity, intimacy and trust, there is the knowing that as you each grow older, you must stay very connected to each other. Intend to grow together. Be willing to let your partner be who they are without trying to change them or mold them to your desires. Talk constantly. Fight if you must to keep the communication going. Don't be silent. For when you are silently holding in resentments or questions, you are building the basis of alienation and stagnation.
You have to prod each other along the way. Keep dreams alive. Talk about them to each other. Envision your future as big and as bright as you can and lean on each other for support. Don't put your dreams on hold. Incorporate them into every decision you make. Invite him to share your dreams with you and go willingly into his. This is how to keep a marriage growing. It is no different than a garden. You have to keep up with it, or it gets "weedy".